Loneliness

When you have a mental illness, or several, the feeling of being alone is not uncommon. Some people have great support systems and feel lonely. Some people have little or no support and feel lonely. No matter which person you are, when that loneliness hits it can be devastating.

If you read my last post you might remember that I was in a dark place. The urge to die was the strongest it had been for years. Since then the urge to die has faded. In its place my loneliness has grown. It’s cripplingly. I sit in my car and cry. It’s like I’m drowning. My body and mind are sinking into darkness. Try as I might I can’t pull myself out of it.

I want to do things, go places, have my own people. But I don’t.

Today is better. There is a little bit of light. It isn’t as dark. It isn’t as suffocating. But it’s there. I can feel the edges of it.

I don’t know what will happen today or tomorrow. I know that eventually, I’ll resurface. Instead of drowning in the loneliness I’ll tread the waters. Chances are I will start to drown again. The cycle will repeat. One day I hope the cycle will break and I find a more permanent solution.

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17 Replies to “Loneliness”

  1. I am a Christian and on meds but I still get on occasion like you and I m sure event the best support cannot always be ready to help when the illness is screaming inside you. Only Jesus has been able to help me the most but today, it is a lonely day. I will pray for you and myself and all others now.

  2. I know you’ll get out of it, God wouldn’t let u stay there! I struggle with mental illness too and I’m getting better little by little. It’s about baby steps i learned, even though we want everything to get done so quickly. Just keep learning about yourself and life and u can have fun by yourself by listening to music, watching tv. or going for a relaxing walk and noticing the beauty around u. Take care.🌟🌟🌟

  3. Have faith and believe on what you are hope for.
    β€œFaith is the reality of what we hope for, the proof of what we don’t see.”
    Hebrews 11:1

  4. I think all of us have been there where we feel like we are drowning in our despair. I hope that you can get through this difficult time for you. We are all rooting for you!

  5. I can definitely understand where you’re coming from. With schizoaffective disorder, I often feel isolated and alone. Yet, I no longer feel lonely as I have the Holy Spirit living in me. I have given my life to Christ and He has made a huge difference in me. The things that used to overcome me I can handle better now. I pray that you would find relief in your struggles. Hang in there and keep fighting. There is always hope.

  6. So sorry you are feeling this way. Isolation is definitely a symptom of the illness. Not necessarily real but no less devastating for that. My thoughts are with you.

  7. I CAN RELATE WELL!!!
    I’m living with adult ADHD unmedicated and I suffer from lonliness as well. Thank you so much for your honesty to bring awareness and your courage to be open!β€οΈπŸ’™πŸ’œπŸ’›πŸ’šπŸ’›πŸ’œπŸ’™β€οΈπŸ’œπŸ’š

    FOLLOWS to my blog & Comments on my post really appreciated and needed, please 😊
    SimpLy️ LOneLy
    https://rawthoughtsfromchelle.wordpress.com/2019/05/13/simply-lonely/
    β˜ΉοΈπŸ˜•πŸ˜• This post focus on those physical and emotional pains that fall on you when you feel heavy loneliness. In this particular post, being lonely for that one person that means the world to you and even if you are in a crowded room, your still lonely for their presence. Loneliness is paralyzing and painful …
    πŸ’•Inside the tornado thoughts lie https://wp.me/paI9nk-5b

    *****It is about being inside the brain of ADHD during an episode of hyper focus and confusion comes. I write it during the moment, not after, so the description would be close as I possible to the way I was feeling and my readers would feel it too!

    Perpetual madness of the mind
    https://rawthoughtsfromchelle.wordpress.com/2019/03/22/perpetual-madness-of-the-mind/

    This post was written during an ADHD crash moment not after. I had to push through to write it but when I can do that it helps so much.

    These crazy thoughts and feelings can be described as this: πŸ˜„ ADHD brain is similar to this description:
    πŸ™ƒ if you had the best sports car made and were driving it on a straight highway and it is going full force down the highway and then you realize there are no brakes. That is how my brain feels the majority of the time.

    Your AWESOME and thank you!.I looking forward to your next post!!!πŸ’šπŸ’›πŸ’œπŸ’™β€οΈπŸ’œπŸ’›πŸ’šβ€οΈπŸ’™β€οΈπŸ’™πŸ’›

  8. Oh man, I can relate to this as I’ve had a rough week. Sitting in my car and just wanting to cry. Thinking I’ve made progress, but the depression returns. I just want to hide from people. Thanks for sharing. It helps knowing there are others who understand the struggle is real.

  9. I have experienced this, now that I am older I can deal with it better. I see it now in my son and it hurts as I know what it feels like. There are many out there like us, many more than we know, the media just keeps shoving at us false images of those with many friends, close families, when so many times that is not the case. Finding what makes us happy, no matter how small, each day, is the best way I always found to keep going, keep enjoying your life, love your writing.

  10. I can relate. Loneliness is so heavy, and I’m sorry it’s what you’ve been dealing with. Hang in there and keep moving forward <3

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