When you have a mental illness, or several, the feeling of being alone is not uncommon. Some people have great support systems and feel lonely. Some people have little or no support and feel lonely. No matter which person you are, when that loneliness hits it can be devastating.
If you read my last post you might remember that I was in a dark place. The urge to die was the strongest it had been for years. Since then the urge to die has faded. In its place my loneliness has grown. It’s cripplingly. I sit in my car and cry. It’s like I’m drowning. My body and mind are sinking into darkness. Try as I might I can’t pull myself out of it.
I want to do things, go places, have my own people. But I don’t.
Today is better. There is a little bit of light. It isn’t as dark. It isn’t as suffocating. But it’s there. I can feel the edges of it.
I don’t know what will happen today or tomorrow. I know that eventually, I’ll resurface. Instead of drowning in the loneliness I’ll tread the waters. Chances are I will start to drown again. The cycle will repeat. One day I hope the cycle will break and I find a more permanent solution.Become a Patron!