Just over two weeks ago I broke up with my partner of almost two years. June 2nd, would have marked two years. That’s a lot of 2s! I am not sad. I do not miss her. Though if you ask her I’m the biggest liar ever. Among other things. I see all the things now.
While I am not upset that the relationship ended, I am upset that no one said anything sooner. Now that it is done, my therapist says my partner had been exhibiting power and control behaviors. My mom is no longer holding her tongue and gladly speaks her mind.
Why did no one say anything sooner? I know some will say that “you have to come the conclusion yourself” or “it was your choice to make.” But how do I make that choice when I can’t see what’s happening. It’s like I was blind until a certain point. Everyone around me seemed to see these little clues. They noticed snide or rude comments she made. Or how one thing or another actually seemed like a rule. It would be one thing if you said “Hey Amanda, what she said isn’t ok.” An I blew you off. But no one even said that!
I see now I was manipulated a bunch. At the end it got worse and was much easier to see. But why did it have to get so bad? I am a victim of emotional abuse and I have been most of my life. While I actively am working to heal and become my own person, I’m still kind of blind. I am going to make mistakes. Sometimes I need help seeing.
So do me a favor, please. If someone you know is being manipulated, or mistreated, tell them. They might not listen. They might get mad. But tell them and then just be there for them. When they finally get to the point where they are ready to see, they will know that you were there. That is important.
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