Summer was never a hard time of the year until recently. June 21st, 2018 – I started to experience something I never thought was possible.
Heart wrenching sadness, losing my appetite, and losing my desire to live.
From June 21st to July 4th of 2018, it was an absolute nightmare.
Following up to June 21st, I remember being extremely stressed. I had a lot in my mind for the future. While it was my hope to leave that summer feeling accomplished and successful, it took a complete opposite direction.
I had to cut short my fellowship, drastically altered my research – ended up losing my relationship with my mentor at that time, and I was contemplating about quitting my college education with just five classes left.
You may ask, why are you sharing this when it has nothing to do with the title?
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) – is commonly associated with depression in the winter time due to lack of sunlight.
However, 1/10 people who struggle with SAD have these symptoms in spring or summer. Unluckily, I may be that 1/10 that is experiencing this.
As June is here, I’ve been extremely anxious.
I try hard not to rely on my “emergency” medication (benzodiazaphines), but I had to rely on these pills to calm myself down in the last few days.
During the past couple of days, I felt sadness trickling in. I immediately panicked, thinking this is going to be another full blown depressive episode.
I struggled to get to my phone to get in touch with my doctor to get a refill on benzodiazaphines.
I did NOT get an official diagnosis from a doctor, but I felt the need to self-diagnose my symptoms to make more sense of why I feel this way.
It sucks. It is the worst nightmare of mine to repeat the same from last year. I know I am being treated with medication now, but I am greatly worried that this may be an annual ritual that I may have to “deal” with.
Some tell me to snap out of my own pity, some tell me to pray harder, some tell me to go get more sunlight for a “cure”.
The truth is, all of those will help. It sure will. But what’s even harder is the anticipation of these emotions rushing in. I can’t help but to get sucked in and find myself in a middle of a hurricane.Become a Patron!