SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder

Summer was never a hard time of the year until recently. June 21st, 2018 – I started to experience something I never thought was possible.

Heart wrenching sadness, losing my appetite, and losing my desire to live.

From June 21st to July 4th of 2018, it was an absolute nightmare.

Following up to June 21st, I remember being extremely stressed. I had a lot in my mind for the future. While it was my hope to leave that summer feeling accomplished and successful, it took a complete opposite direction.

I had to cut short my fellowship, drastically altered my research – ended up losing my relationship with my mentor at that time, and I was contemplating about quitting my college education with just five classes left.

You may ask, why are you sharing this when it has nothing to do with the title?

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) – is commonly associated with depression in the winter time due to lack of sunlight.

However, 1/10 people who struggle with SAD have these symptoms in spring or summer. Unluckily, I may be that 1/10 that is experiencing this.

As June is here, I’ve been extremely anxious.

I try hard not to rely on my “emergency” medication (benzodiazaphines), but I had to rely on these pills to calm myself down in the last few days.

During the past couple of days, I felt sadness trickling in. I immediately panicked, thinking this is going to be another full blown depressive episode.

I struggled to get to my phone to get in touch with my doctor to get a refill on benzodiazaphines.

I did NOT get an official diagnosis from a doctor, but I felt the need to self-diagnose my symptoms to make more sense of why I feel this way.

It sucks. It is the worst nightmare of mine to repeat the same from last year. I know I am being treated with medication now, but I am greatly worried that this may be an annual ritual that I may have to “deal” with.

Some tell me to snap out of my own pity, some tell me to pray harder, some tell me to go get more sunlight for a “cure”.

The truth is, all of those will help. It sure will. But what’s even harder is the anticipation of these emotions rushing in. I can’t help but to get sucked in and find myself in a middle of a hurricane.

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9 Replies to “SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder”

  1. I am so sorry to hear that you are experiencing SAD. I never knew that it affected anyone in a time other than winter. I get it in the winter when the days are short and know just how bad that it can be. I always thought that it was due to a lack of light as my therapist has had me on light therapy. I wish you well and will be following this post as I would like to understand better what you are going through and how you deal with it.

    1. I almost think it’s all in my head as I am anticipating to have a depressive episode 😟 Something I can really tackle on with a CBT workbook to challenge my thoughts

      1. Haelim, when you say that you think its may all be your head, that’s anxiety. I’m sure it’s possible, but I don’t know. All I can tell you is that I never heard of SAD during the summer months. And except for knowing that I have it in winter months and how debilitating it is, I know very little else.

  2. I can totally relate. I have schizoaffective disorder, not SAD, but my depressive episodes often come in the spring and summer. It can be very disrupting to our lives and I hope that you get the help you need. Thank you for sharing what you are going through. Just know that you are not alone.

    1. I just hate how I can’t enjoy the seasons as much as I want! Also how others just don’t seem to understand why I experience SAD in the summer time when there’s so much sun.

  3. Thinking of you!!! If you’re in that hurricane and need someone to talk to, you have friends on here at WordPress!! 🙂 I hope your days start to brighten, my friend!

  4. Yeap season depression it’s a thing! And we all need to be aware of it! Trying the things we love (even tho my writing is sad, it makes me feel relief after I finished) lol

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