How I feel today

Things have been warm at best with me. I’m getting real irritable. To be honest I don’t feel like myself. I feel like an alien in my body. I’m going to therapy and I’m struggling to get a grasp on what I want to do with my life. I’m not sure how to do things anymore. I just want to be happy and I’m not happy with who I am. I just wish that things would get better for me.

I’m not the kind of girl that just says she’ll change and only takes a few steps to get to that goal.i feel like a loser right and no one really has the time for me anymore. Everyone is busy with their own things. My best friend is getting married, my mom a divorce for the third time and counseling, my fiance works most of the time, my other friends are just to busy with their own lives to see if I’m okay.

I feel like a burden on everyone. I’m not doing okay. I’m just barely getting out of bed these days. I’m starting to slip into a depressive episode and it’s the middle of the warm months. I’m looking st the positive as much as I can. My brain will prevent me from looking at the positive for too long. It doesn’t want me to be happy.

I thought I would be happy with the people around me and I am trust me. It’s just that I feel so alone in anyone’s company. I don’t really much at the moment. So I’m just trying to get through the day as best as I can. Hardly anyone in my family can understand what I am going through. I don’t want to throw the last few years of my life down the drain, but I’m starting to feel as if there is no other way.

I want to cry and cut. I don’t want to die. I just want to cut and cry. I have the means to but I really don’t want to throw tears of sobriety down the drain. I love you guys and thank you for listening.

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9 Replies to “How I feel today”

  1. Sometimes the pain is so bad that cutting does seem a good choice. Try and find something else that hurts like exercise. I know that sounds crazy but if you force yourself that is a pain in itself. Cutting is actually easier. Take the hard road. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. This community does understand and hear you.

  2. I’m sorry you’re feeling like this, and although it doesn’t seem it at the moment you will feel better soon. Please try not to cut, I remember managed to stop for quite a while and then something bad happened and I started again. I ended up feeling worse because, personally for me, all those years of stopping just went down the drain.

    Please know you’re not alone

    Sending all my love 💕

  3. I’m an alien in my own body, too. In my head I am a loser than no one has time for, and I don’t want anyone wasting time on. Today you weren’t a waste of time to me. I hope you know you weren’t a loser to me, you were someone I can relate to. You make me feel less alienated from reality. Thank you for that today.

    1. You are so welcome. I always hope to connect with someone out there in this world. I hope that you feel less alienated by everyone you come in contact with today.

  4. SCARY RELATABLE. I am incredibly proud that you recognize your irritability. I am no professional in the medical sense but I can say that I deal with similar symptoms. It creeps up on you and you feel like a piece of shit. But would you seek help or even admit it if you were? Probably not. I think you are strong for that. Give yourself some credit. You don’t have to be okay all the time. One thing at a time. Maybe your goal for the day will be to get up and get dressed. You can do it.

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