A Vacation Away …

casey-horner-394182-unsplashAs written on Sunday…A week ago, at the early hour of 6 AM we left the desert to head to the Pacific Northwest for a respite from the heat of the desert and returned home yesterday evening.  A full week away.  The weather while away was divine, the views were picturesque and my family had what seemed to be the time of their lives.

We walked here and there.  In the sun and in the rain.  Up hills and down hills.  On streets and in forests.  Down the coast and up mountains.  We went to a vineyard and a brewery.  Ice cream shops and book stores.  Zoos and aquariums.  We slept and we ate.  We drove a bit too.  It was a very full week.  I feel like we accomplished much of what we wanted to and for the most part of the weather cooperated.

I took snapshots each day that summed up the day for friends and family to see and for me to have as keepsakes.  Just four or five pictures that captured what my eyes saw and what I found to be beautiful and what brought me happiness.  But in reality, I was struggling, and it was horrible and I kept it mainly to myself in attempts to not ruin the vacation.  With all the amazing sights and sounds around me it was breaking my heart to be in a place where all I wanted to do was to go home.

It seems that I inadvertently packed the Costco quantity carton of anxiety and it was kicking my ass the whole trip.  If I wasn’t thinking about what could go wrong as if I was playing my own version of the Worst Case Scenario Game, then the OCD had me convinced that I was going to contract something and I was going to get sick.  I think I went through a whole bottle of antibacterial lotion and the dryness of my hands says that’s pretty accurate.

My brain was on a loop.  And while on the loop my irritability rose.  I kept reminding myself that I needed to not take it out on my family, any strangers, wait staff or little yippy dogs.  I wanted to break down and cry, but the tears did not come.  I sat in silence, listening to my loop, counting down the days until I see my doctors and I can speak with her and find out what we can do because this, this, is torture.

Today, this day of rest, all I want to do is lay in bed with my little baby Roo (my youngest cat) because when I am sleeping the loop stops.  My brain is freed and I have relief.


Cupcakes with Sprinkles,



10 Replies to “A Vacation Away …”

  1. Your trip sounds great!
    My anxiety kicks up just riding in my friend’s car going to Walmart. I trust his driving, it’s the others who keep me on edge.


    1. I have similar issues as well but have been working through it so I can be a better passenger… there were for sure great parts of vacation, and areas that could’ve been improved had there been less anxiety. I am blessed that things were not worse. The weather was stupendous and glorious!~


  2. Sorry to hear that Bella, yes anxiety can be a major pain in the ass at the worst time’s, I hope things get better for you soon dear.



    1. Thank you… i met with my psychiatrist yesterday and we have a plan in place and I am optimistic that I will get relief within a few days, and if not, we will have another plan 🙂 Thank you for reading and responding. May your day be blessed to overflowing.


  3. I know what you mean! I can’t ever enjoy things fully, let alone a vacation. That sort of thing is on my Work in Progress list.


    1. Yes! Exactly!! I was speaking with my spouse last night and there were items that I did indeed enjoy but it was more towards the beginning of the trip. I am sure in time when I have more stability for longer periods of time under my belt I will be able to do more. I learned a lot on this trip and I am proud of myself. Now I am focusing on healing and repairing. I am relieved that it is a short week and I have more time to decompress than a normal work week.


  4. This has been me since the summer has started. I don’t want to sleep but the exhaustion from the way my mind and body responds to everything is exhausting. I hope we can all find some relief outside of sleeping and become able to enjoy the simplicity of life. ❤️


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