Change Gives Me Anxiety

My last post and this one are going to be a little contradictory because circumstances have changed. I previously said that I am mentally ready to take a break from therapy, that I am in a good place to be independent.

Now I can’t wait to see my therapist on Monday morning because my anxiety is weighing on me. It’s not the worst I’ve ever experienced but I feel that the anxiety is growing each day. I really want to talk through what’s happening in my mind. I want to cry in her office and spill my guts.

“What is making you so anxious?” you may be asking.

Change.

Change has always been something that I hate whether it’s good or bad. One of the best times of my life was living in England but I was depressed for a big bit of it. I did a lot of isolating myself and watching every Wes Anderson film alone in my flat.

As I may have mentioned on here before, I am moving out of my childhood home and into a house with my boyfriend of 2.5 years. The thought of not being in my comfort zone that I have been in for almost all of my life makes me so scared.

I’m walking around the house taking in every inch of it. The carpet beneath my bare feet. The view of the street outside my window. The beautiful counter top in my bathroom. All of it so familiar to me.

I need to grow up which comes with a lot of discomfort, something that also makes me anxious. I will have to adjust to so many new things and leave many of my comforts behind. Mainly my cats, I will deeply miss not having them sleep with me every night.

I’m only moving a few streets away from my mom’s house where I live now but once I move all of my things out, I won’t have any true comfort to return to. My bedroom has always been my solace, my safe place. Without everything in it, it’s just a room.

It’s the equivalent of taking away my baby blanket.

There are lots of things I’m looking forward to in my new house such as truly feeling like an adult instead of a teenager, spending more time with my boyfriend, cooking in my own kitchen and having a porch.

A few years ago I wrote a poem about how my mind is like the night sky. That the darkness is my depression, anxiety and all of the bad stuff while the stars are the happiness and positive stuff. I look up and I focus on the darkness instead of admiring the twinkling stars above. I’ve rarely been the one to look on the bright side.

Does change make you anxious and/or depressed? If so, how do you cope with this? I’ve never seemed to find a way to positively cope with change so I’m open to all ideas!

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19 Replies to “Change Gives Me Anxiety”

  1. Breathe, and move along with the flow. Whenever I’m adjusting to new changes, I tell myself that life goes on, whether I’m stuck in my comfort zone or moving on and gaining new knowledge (we always learn something new when we face a change). So, instead of running away from the challenge (dealing with the change), I choose to face it and take it one step at a time, reminding myself to breathe slowly to steady my erratic heartbeat. When I accomplished a new alien task, I usually feel good about myself. That gives me the courage to do it again the next time.

    1. Thank you so much for your words of wisdom, Lady Zen!! I am going to hold your advice close to my heart. It’s really what I needed to hear.

  2. Change really makes me anxious. I need routine. Predictable just works for me. I’ve become a bit of a control freak about it. My therapist asked me “if you could control everything, do you know what a huge burden that would be?” I had to admit, she had a point. I had to accept there’s always going to be that monkey wrench. I think you’re going to have to take this one day at a time until the big day comes. You know that you have your parents house to fall back on but try to relax and rest in knowing you have a partner that wants to build with you. There’s a new carpet that will be under your feet and new isn’t always bad. I’m sure you know that but anxiety always distracts from the facts and just sends us skyrocketing to the what if’s and omg I can’t believe this is happenings. So yeah, …breathe, remind yourself or make yourself think of the positive aspects of this situation and even if you have to stick it on your wall make sure you read it when your anxiety shifts into high gear. Good luck!

    1. Divasaurus, thank you so much for your words!! I appreciate them very much. You’re right new isn’t always bad, it’s just different. I also like the idea of keeping positive reminders around me.
      Your therapist does make a good point. I also always want to control everything and be in a solid routine.

      1. I’m always trying to find ways to combat the negativity that I experience when my anxiety kicks in full force. It’s hard to think of the positive things when we’re in the eye of the storm. That’s why our blogs are helpful because someone else can read it and give you perspective that can hopefully turn things around. I’m happy to help. My words are genuine and I’ll be reading and commenting. Don’t you worry! We have to hold each other up.

      2. It can be so difficult to see the positive. I totally agree, the mental health blogging community is such a wonderful place 🙂

  3. Hay dear,
    In a situation such as this your gonna feel scared and anches moving out into your own life is a big change, you gust have to focus in on the positive side of things and try and stay happy, that’s what I try and do.

    ❤️✌️
    BY FOR NOW

  4. Change definitely gives me anxiety, I’m possibly moving within the next year and the idea of the process scares me because I know how stressful it is and I worry about all the what ifs but I try to focus on the positive aspects of the change. In reality, the moving process is just going to be a couple days, I can manage that and the good things about being in the new apartment far outweigh the stress, it’s less money, brand new/beautiful, more space, has lots of privacy and security, and better than where I currently live in several ways so in the long run it’s absolutely worth it. I worry about every little change in my life, just going a different route when taking a walk stresses me out, I like predictability but I’m trying to be more flexible. What helps me cope is visualizing and thinking about all the good things about the change and try to get myself excited about it 🙂

    1. That’s exciting you’ll be living in a nice, new apartment! I’m right there with you about finding comfort in routine and predictability. The older I get the more I get frazzled when I’m thrown off course. I hope we can both get through all of our future changes. Thank you for commenting!!

  5. I used to be really scared of change, but now I’ve experienced lots of times when something changed, and I didn’t want it to, but it was better after the change!

    Like one time I lived somewhere I loved for 4 years, then had to move as my landlord sold the apartment. I ended up moving somewhere better!

    I think it can help to see all changes as being on a spectrum, with threat at one end and opportunity at the other end. Nothing is 100% threat and nothing is 0% threat, there’s always some opportunity there too.
    Good luck!

    1. I’m glad that you’re not afraid of change anymore. I really like that thought about the threat and opportunity. Thank you for commenting!

  6. I too have always had problems with change;whether it is my job or health. I have become so accustomed to remaining anxious that on days I DO feel good, my subconscious sabotages it and I go back to feeling ‘normal’- that is anxious and miserable. I have tried to curb this tendency over time but it is still a big part of my life. I LIKE monotony, I LIKE predictability, I like routine- things people usually avoid. Their nonacceptance of ‘routine’ makes them just as miserable as people who resist change. I think sometimes resisting change is a good thing.

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