When did it get so hard to ask for help?
At a certain point, as children, most of the day is spent asking an adult for assistance. And then, as we grow older, we start to be more independent and we learn to do things on our own and we are less apt to ask for help. But, we do, without shame.
It’s as we grow older, that we start to feel shame when we ask for assistance and have negative thoughts in our head about the idea of asking for help, and this prevents us from doing so. Which at times makes things harder for us, and more cumbersome.
I personally, have learned the very hard way about asking for help. I am stubborn and I like to do things my way, and by myself. I don’t want someone to come back and make a stink about how the only way I got to where I am is because I relied on them and I owe them.
I also beat myself up when I have to ask for help. Like, why don’t I already know this, and does this mean that I am not intelligent because I am not sure how to do this by now.
I have utterly failed in the past because I acted like I knew what I was doing, did not ask for help and then face planted, metaphorically speaking (although I did face plant when I was about 5, off a picnic table onto cement and smashed up my face pretty good, oh the days when we thought we could fly…).
With my battles with mental illness, I have had to obtain lots and lots of help. I have needed help from my family in the form of support. I have needed help from my doctors in the form of medication and treatment. My work has provided me with assistance in balancing my mental health needs with that of my career needs and coming up with a schedule and a position that meets the needs of both.
Recently, I have reached out more and I have uttered the words, “No, I do not know, let me find that out for you.” And that was that. I then went and did the research, found the answer and reported back. Was the person upset that I did not have the answer at the second that they asked? Maybe, but I have no clue. I know that it is hard to ask for help, but I know I am personally working on it.
I am in a place where I am starting to achieve balance, and it is great. But I am still working through a lot of muck, and I still need help. I need help with my feelings, and the urges to lash out and throw my plate against the wall in anger. I need help and encouragement on the days when I just want to lay in bed and pretend that I am a cat and I have no responsibilities in the world except to take naps and eat banana pudding. And on the days when I am scattered, I need help in finding the words to say and not being teased.
I encourage you to proudly ask for help. Do not allow shame to eat you up inside. No one is perfect. None of us know everything, we all have room for growth, and all have room for learning.
Help me, help you, by asking for help when you need it.