Sorry

I haven’t been writing enough. I need to step it up a little.

I finished my first semester back to school with two B’s and an A. When I left my girlfriend she told me she didn’t think I could do it without her. Well guess what?! I did!

I have been seeing someone and while I want to talk about it I don’t at the same time. It feels like a roller coaster that is amazing at times. Other times you’re worried it will break and you will suffer horrible injuries or die.

There are moments when I feel like the confidence I had found in myself is leaking away. It’s just slowly leaving my body and I don’t know how to get it back. I want to apologize and I don’t even know what I’m apologizing for anymore. Am I just apologizing to make everything stop? To create a peace? To pacify those around me?

There is this feeling of being lost right now. And I want to apologize for even that! I shouldn’t need to apologize for feeling lost.

5 Replies to “Sorry”

  1. You certainly don’t need to apologize! But I think you’re on to something when you say you maybe want to apologize to make it stop. We are trained to apologize as a way to dmfix things so maybe instead of apologizing to the universe and feeling so guilty look inside and see what’s hurting you so bad? Sometimes there’s nothing we can do unfortunately but sometimes a little bit of self reflection can go quite far! Anyways I hope you feel better soon ❤

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  2. I too am diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, and I find myself in the habit of apologizing for myself constantly. One thing that I have been focusing on is that apologies invite blame, and this can lead to toxicity in a relationship. Stay strong! You don;t need to apologize for your emotions or who you are.

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  3. Try replacing sorry with thank you.
    Rather “Sorry for my lack of publishing posts ” you could say” Thank you for being so patient with me while life got busy for me.”

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  4. I often struggle with apologizing too much and, I agree with Michael. I have found that I often apologize to avoid conflicts that haven’t even happened yet (and may never). I apologize because it is what I was taught to do whenever everything wasn’t “perfect.” But, no one and nothing is perfect. And, you have no reason to apologize for being human. Something that has helped me is that my fiance has started to point out whenever I say sorry for something I really shouldn’t. It helps me realize how bad the problem is and I’m trying to resist saying it. It’s really hard and often my fiance has to hug me for a minute or two to keep me calm because I genuinely get anxious if I don’t say it. But, with his help, I’m getting better. Maybe you should ask if this new person in your life (or even just a really good friend or close family member) would be willing to do something similar. It might help, even if it’s hard at first.

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