Losing My Safe Space

Since 1997 when my parents built my family home, my room has been my special place. I am safe here among all that is familiar. My four walls stained with blue sticky tack from years of hanging posters up and my cozy bed that I share with my cats.

Whenever I am feeling anxious or depressed I have always had the freedom to come to my room. Once I lay down in my bed, I feel safe. I feel comfortable in every way.

As I’ve written in a post earlier this summer, I am moving out on my mom’s house. My boyfriend and I are creating a home together starting with signing all the papers next week.

Am I depressed and anxious because of the change? Hell yes.
Am I already longing for the comfort of my home? You bet.
Do I already miss my cats? More than I am willing to admit!

This is a big change for me. Big changes and me usually means a roller coaster of anxiety then deep valleys of depression. The cycle eventually stops once I get used to the change but it’s getting through it that is the hard part.

What has always helped me through those big changes was the sanctuary of my room. If I had a bad day at school I would rush up to my room to play with my Barbies, dive into a good book or write a little story.

I laid in my bed during countless nights when I was so anxious I couldn’t sleep and the days when I couldn’t find the energy to stay awake due to my depression. My four walls have seen it all.

My room has been my safety blanket for so long that I fear losing it. I’m trying my best to cherish every moment I have left in here. But the more I think about it, the sadder I get.

How do you handle big changes? Is your room your safe space? If not, where is?

 

Also sorry for not posting super often recently. I am sure I will have a lot to write about in these upcoming months as I attempt to adjust to my new life.

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23 Replies to “Losing My Safe Space”

  1. Change can be a challenge, but if we want to get to where we should be, we have to leave where we are. God will be with you wherever you go! He always has been.
    A counselor once told me when I was moving out and away from my family to remember 2 things:
    1. When you move Tragedy will happen because bad things happen. It’s a part of life no matter where you go.
    2. The tempting thing to do when tragedy occurs is to go back home, the challenge will be to find another solution. You can do it.
    Praying for you and your boyfriend, Megan! God loves you both!

    1. I really appreciate your words of wisdom, Gail. I will have to find a different solution instead of running back to my mom’s house. Thank you!

  2. Love this! The great thing about change is that it opens up so many new possibilities. Myself and my boyfriend are also moving out within the next couple months to our new “home” and I am anxious and nervous as well. Just have to keep your mind on all the positive things it will bring!

    1. We are in the same boat which makes me feel a lot better about it. Do you live together now?
      You’re right, it does open the door to so many new possibilities! Maybe I need to think about the positive things for once.

      1. We don’t live together now, but we are with each other every second of everyday so it’s almost like we are! Trust me I’m super anxious about it because we are skipping the whole apartment/condo stage and going straight to a house! But yeah definitely try to find positivity in it!

      2. That’s what we are doing as well! At least where I live, it’s just as expensive for a mortgage as it is to rent. If you already spend a lot of time together I’m sure it won’t be too much different. My boyfriend and I live a half hour away from each other and he works long hours so we don’t see each other very often.

      3. Awh so seeing each other everyday is something to look forward to! Think how much your relationship will grow! That’s going to be amazing 😊 you can do it!

      4. I hope our relationship will grow and only be better. Thank you 🙂 I wish you the best of luck in your new home!! I’ll be following your blog to see how it’s all going!

  3. When I moved out of my parents, I felt like I lost my safe space. It took a couple months but now I am loving it and feel safe there

    1. That makes me feel better knowing that you were able to create a new safe space for yourself. Thank you for commenting, Michelle!

    1. You’re very right, Ocean. That is something to get excited about! I appreciate your positive words, thank you!

  4. I’m happy that you’re able to acknowledge what works for you and what doesn’t. Maybe moving out and ‘losing your safe space’ is a great step forward. This is a new chapter in your life and eventually you will find your new home to be a safe space as well💕💕

    1. You’re right, it could be a big step forward in regards to my mental health. I hope I can create a new safe space as well 🙂 Thank you for commenting!

  5. this post resonates with me very heavily. i found myself appreciating my room much more than i ever had during the stages leading up to me moving out. little things such as my neighbour’s loud music which i would always hear from the open windows and the light from the sunset on the walls, i’d find documenting on my camera, just so i could keep these short moments. even though now, i have my own new space which like my old room, contains all aspects of my life, i still do miss my prior space. solely because of the memories attached to it and the growth and self discovery experienced whilst residing in it. seems bizzare how one can feel so much emotion for a four walled room but it’s comforting to know many of us feel the same way. i wish you all the best.

    1. I’m glad you resonated so much with this post, Ateafa! Have you been able to create a new safe space for yourself? I wish you the best as well, thank you!

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