so this week my rapist’s sister had made contact with me. she said that i showed up in her possible friends feed. now you see i’m very afraid that he’ll find me again since i’m so close to Grand Rapids. i’m not the greatest person to be around since the incidents. i’m very much a scaredy cat. i can’t handle people coming up behind me and scaring me or startling me without wanting to beat the absolute shit out of them.
i have a problem yes i realize this. i have a problem because i have PTSD. this is not a curable disorder. yes it can go into remission like cancer but the over thing is that it causes the person severe problems in life. things haven’t been all that great for me lately. my counselor had canceled on me last week and i’ve been freaking the fuck out.
no one has really cancelled on me the day before. it honestly scares the shit out of me when someone cancels on me at the last minute. i always feel like they cancel because they don’t want to see me. i have always thought that i was depressing to be around. i can’t help but feel like it’s my fault when someone cancels on me. i get scared that it will happen more and more often just so that they can avoid me.