Megan’s Anxiety Raceway

I have a recurring stumbling block that when I trip over that I can’t always get up from right away. When I have upset someone or done something wrong (no matter if it’s major or minor) I can’t function.

If it happens at work, I can’t be productive. I will spin around in my office chair until I can go home to crawl into bed and hope one of my cats joins me.

This morning it happened and I have barely done any work at all.  My mind continues to race around the thought that I upset someone. On repeat I hear, “you upset this person, there’s no way they will love you anymore” and “why are you such an idiot, Megan? Why didn’t/did you do that? So moronic!”

My stomach is in knots. My brain is a scrambled egg.

Even if what I did/didn’t do is minute, I always have this type of reaction. My anxiety jumps into the Subaru Legacy in my brain (that’s the car I drive), revs the engine and speeds around the race track that is my mind. I’m calling it Megan’s Anxiety Raceway.

I can mess up without criticizing myself only if my actions don’t effect someone else. Like if I spill my smoothie on the floor (did it last year, very messy) or misplace my work keys (happened this morning, they were in my office), it doesn’t matter. Knowing someone is hurt, disappointed or flat out angry at me makes my mind shrivel up. I think again and again about how I should have acted differently to prevent whatever happened.

My regrets stick with me because of my anxiety. I am a professional ruminater.

How do you overcome your anxious thoughts? How do you stop ruminating over stuff? Please leave me a comment! I would love to hear your thoughts.

 

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7 Replies to “Megan’s Anxiety Raceway”

  1. I never wanted to do ‘something bad’, didn’t want to hurt anybody and didn’t want to be insensitive. Now I’ve neglected myself, hurt myself and am insensitive to me. What you put out, comes back. I have no answer for you, no concrete plan of action. I became ill and now I’m forced to take care of me. It starts to balance out more. I see that what I think of as ‘being mean’ isn’t being mean at all. It’s showing love and respect to the other person because they are given the chance to respect my boundaries and in that way they can care for me. It’s like, good, bad … who knows what the outcome will be!

  2. The lesson of learning we are not responsible [nor can control] other’s reactions, to me, was the first step. It is our actions that might provoke but it is the aptitude of the other on either play the blame game or open up communication if such “harm” has occurred by any actions. You can apologize and if need be (like anger issues) adjust your own personal reaction to others…….Otherwise, those thoughts that creep in about how inadequate you are (in any area…hurting other or yourself…list is endless) remind yourself that it is JUST A THOUGHT and until light is brought to the situation…let that “thought” float into the background. Much love in healing & understanding this complicated place (hugs)

  3. I am the same way. Honestly, I really don’t know how to stop those obsessive, anxiety-inducing thoughts. The only thing that kind of helps me it to keep reminding myself that the person that I might have upset, probably isn’t even upset at all. Just because I am super sensitive to everything, doesn’t mean everyone else is the same way. What I could perceive as something insensitive or insulting, could be nothing to the next person. Also, I remind myself that I’m human. It was a mistake. I didn’t mean for what I said to come across the way it did and that is OK. It happens. They will get over it, as will I.

  4. I have learned over the years to immediately address the situation. You don’t have to apologize for what you feel you did wrong but say I am sorry I upset you…because that seems to be true for you. Then let it go. As the above comment said there are two people involved and you can’t control the other person’s reaction. You can control what you do about it. If being sorry for upsetting doesn’t help then it is time to move on.

  5. I have the same problem, and it doesn’t take much to send me into a spiral either. The best advice I can give is to meditate, specifically mindfulness meditation. It’s difficult at first, but once you get past the painful period you’ll start to notice yourself recognising the thoughts that start a spiral. Meditation will train you to recognise the thought as that – just a thought – before the emotions take hold. Best of luck 🙂

  6. This is a very heart-felt post, and I wish I could have some sort of relief for you. I feel the same way and I have yet to find a way around this overwhelming anxiety. Thank you for sharing, though💜

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