so I am having another sleepless night. none of the nights this week have been been sleepless. but it is only Monday. I’ve had sleepless nights before and they haven’t really been this bad. I’m not this person that is just having a hard time, but at the same time I am having a hard time. I’m not sure what to do. now it is only 10 pm on a Monday but usually I am falling asleep right now. I feel like i’m on an upward spiral and it’s getting out of control. i have been on antidepressants since last year around this time. I get the fact that I am bipolar and really should be on something like lithium, but my medications nurse/prescriber. nothing has been this bad since i was in high school. i couldn’t sleep on Friday that well either.
I’m not the kind of girl that will just get people to feel bad for her. although my fiance and his family do care for me and feel bad when i’m doing bad because they don’t really know how to help. i couldn’t get through the fact that i’m having another sleepless night. i’m not sure what i’m going to do. i’m no longer happy with how i am as a person. i feel like i may have DID because i do feel other alters/ personalities with in myself i’m not sure what to do. i’m going to go to my primary care provider tomorrow to get a recommendation to a psychiatrist and hopefully a new therapist. i don’t get why mine won’t really help me. I have been thinking this through since I made the appointment. yes i made it for tomorrow at 2 but they moved it up to 1:45 pm. i’m really struggling to get my head around the fact that I’ve been struggling to not cut, burn, snap a rubber band on my wrist or ankles because I’m feeling very much out of control.
I don’t know what to do you guys i really need some help tonight and would love it if you guys could give me some advice on how to get through the night into the morning and before my appointment tomorrow. thank you for taking the time to read this.