Stepping Out.

I have never made told anyone my New Years resolutions. I just think putting that kind of pressure on something is setting yourself up for failure. I wish I could say that I haven’t made superficial false promises to myself to change my eating habits, lose a particular amount of weight, quit a bad habit, find a new love, or win a million dollars. I have, and I have failed. I think these goals are too specific and that was my issue. Over the past ten years, I have lost myself.

Lost myself in relationships, both platonic and otherwise.

Lost myself in other’s expectations.

Lost myself in my own expectations.

My biggest sadness for others is watching them be hard on themselves because they aren’t keeping up with someone else’s success. You don’t have to be at the same point in life as someone else.

I still have incredibly practical goals. I want to pay off some debt that I have been tip toeing around. I want to finish grad school. I want to advance in my career.

This year, I resolve to be me. Whoever that is… I want to be impulsive in ways that I have not allowed myself before. I want to move out of my comfort zone. I want to find my playful and adventurous side again.

I dyed my hair purple. I have always wanted to but didn’t for fear of what others would think. I was most concerned that my job wouldn’t allow it. But apparently this job doesn’t care, so I just did it.

I feel like I am stable emotionally on my medication and now I can breathe. I can know that these big exciting decisions and adventures are me finding myself and not mania.

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9 Replies to “Stepping Out.”

  1. So I pierced my nose the end of last year, something I had wanted but a little scared to do, I really relate to this, and I used to be at that place in my life, it is amazing you decided to resolve yourself this year. I wish you the very best on your journey.

    1. Last year I moved to Texas on a whim. I liked it, but eventually just needed to come back for my mental health and support system. I really proved to myself that I am able to follow through with decisions, and recover when they don’t work out.

      1. That’s awesome.
        I hope you keep putting yourself first always, sending you light and love.
        Enjoy your moments

  2. This post resonated with me. I too am tired of trying to meet others’ expectations. I want to find my adventuresome, impulsive side again. My word for this year is “joy” — I want to pursue things
    that bring me joy. Thanks for the post!

    1. Joy is a great thing to pursue! I hope you find it! Something that really brings me joy at home is winding down alone. I just need time to recharge. I find myself feeling like this for days at a time so I have grown to like going places alone as well. I have gone to the movies, dinner. You should give it a try!

  3. I am the same. I don’t make new year resolutions. I just hope to make small changes to my life or plan to do something

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