It is funny how depression is so normal to me that I don’t really give much thought to it. I mean, I know when things are bad, I may feel down. It is understandable when you have so many hard things happening at once. Without sounding like a sad sack, I will say that life has not been terribly kind to me. I often fall into it when I get stressed out. The smallest thing can send me into a sadness spiral.
Today my mom asked me if everything is okay. She asked me if something else was going on besides work that was getting me down. She said she noticed a decline in my mood.
My only thought was embarrassment. I am embarrassed that it is so apparent that someone else can see. Like I spilled coffee on my shirt and someone had just pointed it out. “I guess I am kinda depressed.” I thought. I didn’t tell her that though. It wouldn’t matter if I did. It would just be more embarrassing and then we would sit there, both knowing about the stain and neither being able to do anything about it.
I don’t know how to explain to someone that I am depressed about nothing. I just am. I don’t really want to do anything, getting out of bed is a chore, and I am doing the best I can. I am showering, eating, taking my medicine, going to work, doing my school work, and interacting with people daily. I am doing more than I feel like.