Today is an excellent example that no matter what you do, depression will sometimes take over your life completely. No matter how well you are doing, depression is a pat being Bipolar. I woke up depressed with a very low mood, and it sucked.
I know I have to deal with days like today, I have dealt with them more since my mom passed. The issue today was that I could not break through the depression. I stayed in bed. I truly felt like I was drowning. It could be that it is just three months since I lost my mom that while I have been productive, there is still the matter of processing my feelings. I still have no idea how to live in this life without my mom being there, and everything around me is a constant reminder.
Just writing this blog post took everything that I had, but I felt days like today where depression takes over, are the type of days are something that needs to be shown to the world. Even If I am writing this from my bed. This was really the first day since January, where nothing felt right. I overslept. I wake up around seven every morning, and today I stayed in bed until noon. That is unreal to me.l I was sad about everything, and I had no appitite, I still have not eaten. It has been a stressful last few weeks. I had my book coming out again. I was working on so many things, and I am nearing the end of my semester. There has been a lot on my mind that I was not dealing with on any level.
I have always prided myself on the fact that I can function even when depression takes over. I have had bad days, but I still do enough to feel productive. Today is a day where I am far from any real productivity outside of this blog post.
It sucks feeling this way, but writing has always been the way that I express myself, and if I can write something today and try to figure out what my triggers are today, well, that is something in the right direction. I know I am probably hard on myself, but I thought that I was processing things in my own way, but I have never been great at taking my personal advice and take it easy. Let the depression run its course. With that said, I will leave this post here. Hopefully, someone reads it that is having the same type of day and knows they are not alone.
Always Keep Fighting
You can visit the author site of James Edgar Skye here.
Purchase The Bipolar Writer: A Memoir here.
Become a Patron of James Edgar Skye and be a part of his writing here: Become a Patron!