Today I Felt the Full Effect of Depression

Photo by Sasha Freemind on Unsplash

Today is an excellent example that no matter what you do, depression will sometimes take over your life completely. No matter how well you are doing, depression is a pat being Bipolar. I woke up depressed with a very low mood, and it sucked.

I know I have to deal with days like today, I have dealt with them more since my mom passed. The issue today was that I could not break through the depression. I stayed in bed. I truly felt like I was drowning. It could be that it is just three months since I lost my mom that while I have been productive, there is still the matter of processing my feelings. I still have no idea how to live in this life without my mom being there, and everything around me is a constant reminder.

Just writing this blog post took everything that I had, but I felt days like today where depression takes over, are the type of days are something that needs to be shown to the world. Even If I am writing this from my bed. This was really the first day since January, where nothing felt right. I overslept. I wake up around seven every morning, and today I stayed in bed until noon. That is unreal to me.l I was sad about everything, and I had no appitite, I still have not eaten. It has been a stressful last few weeks. I had my book coming out again. I was working on so many things, and I am nearing the end of my semester. There has been a lot on my mind that I was not dealing with on any level.

Photo by Cristian Palmer on Unsplash

I have always prided myself on the fact that I can function even when depression takes over. I have had bad days, but I still do enough to feel productive. Today is a day where I am far from any real productivity outside of this blog post.

It sucks feeling this way, but writing has always been the way that I express myself, and if I can write something today and try to figure out what my triggers are today, well, that is something in the right direction. I know I am probably hard on myself, but I thought that I was processing things in my own way, but I have never been great at taking my personal advice and take it easy. Let the depression run its course. With that said, I will leave this post here. Hopefully, someone reads it that is having the same type of day and knows they are not alone.

Always Keep Fighting

James

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39 Replies to “Today I Felt the Full Effect of Depression”

  1. When you’re having one of these days or weeks, keep a schedule. Continue to make meals, exercise, and stay healthy. Even if you do sleep in and don’t feel like eating, getting out of bed is a win. Eating a banana is a win. It’s the little things that will make you feel better.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Hilary. I know these things but I am horrible at remembering the little things. I did get out of bed. I went out even if it was the evening and got some food. That will have to do today!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Sometimes all we need is to distract ourselves, you did good by trying to write about it. And often times it does not die down, but you tried. Hope you feel better and get out from this depression.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Stay strong mate. Just the fact you can acknowledge a bad day and talk about it is progress. Some days I feel crap for no reason but each day I blog and that drives me and reading everyone else’s including your own inspires me to carry on.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I hope you are feeling better. At least for me, depression is a wave you have to ride out sometimes. Remember the little things you accomplished and dont sell yourself short. Thank you for your honesty, I truly hope you are doing a bit better.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I am glad you took the time to write. Sometimes all we need is routine. I am fortunate to only have to deal with mild depression most of the time. Hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Thankful i can not relate. And hopefully I never will. Depression sounds horrible. You have so much going for you, a successful blog, a community that loves your words.

    Sorry to hear about your mum passing, dad passed recently which is sad also but a mum is your creator so sure must be hard.

    Without knowing her or you I know she would be proud of you, and wouldn’t want you to be depressed. I can imagine that she would encourage you to use your gifts to help more people. To write more blog posts and to build a successful life for yourself.

    Keep writing. Keep connecting, you may be the voice that so many people need so they don’t feel so alone.

    Like

  7. Those kinds of days are the hardest. I feel you. But we gotta have to keep fighting. We are not alone in this battle. Keep writing! That is also the same thing I always do when feeling depressed. It helps me calm myself.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It is very helpful. I had two bad days in a row but I am getting back to form right now and writng a story. That is step in the right direction.

      Like

  8. Grief hits us in all sorts of ways and it can last a LONG time. This I know for a certainty. In some senses, it will never leave. Be gentle with yourself. Accept what grieving brings you today and get back to it when you can. Maybe push yourself a little but know that grieving is NORMAL and necessary.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I can feel your pain. I am so glad you got up to write. I find that writing down my feelings when I feel funky or depressed is always helpful. I am just coming off of a depressive episode ( I have not had one this bad in a long time ) and I am finally starting to feel half way decent again. Hang in there, there is always a light at the end of the dark tunnel.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks. It got better as the week went on. I took a couple of mental health days. Hang in there always. And remember to always keep fighting.

      Like

  10. Hi James i felt the same as you many a time.. i have written a personal experience of mine in one of my blogposts as to why we hide our emotions… ill share with you later.. though little philosophical.. maybe youll find some answers there.. and keep writing more

    Liked by 2 people

  11. I know I am probably hard on myself, but I thought that I was processing things in my own way, but I have never been great at taking my personal advice and take it easy.

    Same hereeeee :))) i started loving my outbursts

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Hi James, I want to first express my condolences to you. I’m so sorry about your mom. May you continue to find comfort. Depression is definitely real. And it’s something that affects many many people. We all are suffering in some kind of way. Rather it’s emotionally, physically, financially or spiritually. The bible can definitely help us to deal with these things. 1 Peter 5:7~While you throw all your anxiety on him,(Jehovah God),because he cares for you.

    Jeremiah 29:11~For I well know the thoughts that I am thinking toward you, declares Jehovah. Thoughts of peace and not of calamity, to give you a future and a hope.

    Liked by 2 people

  13. Hi James I too have been diagnosed with bipolar. I believe that we are always learning therefore we are always getting better making this the best day ever it’s impossible to become worse so with that in mind after all you have achieved face depression head on it isn’t justified. Never be in a low mood because you are worthwhile & we need you. I have decided to follow you & will back you up all the way. Your mom made such a positive impact on your life I’m sure you have all you need to make it in this life. x

    Liked by 2 people

  14. I wish someone could tell me that it works taking your personal advice. It just sucks to talk about it with anyone anymore. They just don’t want to acknowledge and make us feel bad for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Never feel bad for sharing! It’s best to get it out with someone you trust and sometimes compete strangers that have been through the same thing. I am always an ear, just message me from my blog.page ♥️🤗

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Was dealing with similar days, thankfully I’m trying to pour those feelings in my writing. This is helping me be constructive, productive, and providing something to hold on to.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Hey your blog is just awesome I too have tried to do something related to this. Please visit my blog once.
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    Today I’m going to talk you all about one serious issue which needs to be highlighted. A disease which doesn’t seems as disease. A disease which has no expression. It can be behind any face, smiling or sad. Yes, I’m talking about DEPRESSION. An illness which can’t discriminated on basis of an category. We need to be aware…and spread it on very platform. And ask the patient to share their pain without feeling ashamed.
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    Liked by 1 person

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