An Unwanted Upcoming Event

You can visit the author site of James Edgar Skye here.

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

My birthday is in twelve days, including today. April the 10th, the day The Bipolar Writer came into this world. 2020 has been a year of firsts, and I am not talking about COVID-19, which is a part of our daily lives no matter what we do. 2020 will be my first birthday without my mom, and I feel so lost trying to figure out if I should let it pass by this year. A year of painful firsts has already taken its toll.

I allow some days lost in depression, stress, and the constant need to work. I am high functioning when it comes to depression but not always. My focus on writing and school has made things hard to celebrate. My grandfather’s birthday passed in March, he passed away from cancer in 2014, and we always celebrate that day. I spent the day in bed lost in depression. What will it mean when my birthday comes?

Birthday celebrations have never been my thing. I used to go to Vegas around and one year on my birthday, but I am never really up to celebrate the day. A simple dinner is fine with me, and perhaps I could find some time to cook what I love on my birthday. My all-time favorite birthday meal is corn beef and cabbage. I blame my small amount of Irish blood I have for this being my favorite birthday meal. (On a side note, my favorite meal is sashimi and rice.)

If I am honest, I am leaning towards taking the day off and spending it playing video games, since we are still in a shelter in place for the foreseeable future, and eat junk food. A mental health day. Instead of celebrating, perhaps just doing something to keep my mind busy. There is no doubt that I will miss my mom. With that said, thank you for reading. Stay safe and if you can stay home, and pray for those who have to be out in the world in unsafe conditions.

James

Always Keep Fighting

You can visit the author site of James Edgar Skye here.

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6 Replies to “An Unwanted Upcoming Event”

  1. Each milestone will be one to conquer but each one passes. Celebrate that your mom was there for you for many years. A pastor said when my mother died that “grief is a gift we are given for loving.” Strange to think of grief as a gift but it reminds us of all the love we were blessed with.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I understand how you are feeling. I was lucky that my first birthday without my mom was also the first one with my daughter. It’s been over 13 years and I still miss her.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I hope you make a decision that sits well with you. I recently celebrated my Birthday, but instead of planning to go out etc I decided I wanted to spend it doing nothing but lazing about and doing things I find relaxing. It really eased the whole Birthday anxiety around having to put on a smile and not quite feeling it. Hope you manage to spend it as you please and also in a way that you can feel connected to your mum.

    Liked by 1 person

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