Depression While in Quarantine

I’ve been working from home for about a month now. As I hope many of you are, I am staying home about 95% of my weeks, the 5% is just to go out for groceries and pick up takeaway orders from some local restaurants.

Being home all of this time has made the voice of  my depression loud and critical. Because I have been depressed, I haven’t felt like doing anything besides laying around. I say to myself that I should do something, even just one thing, but often times that is a fleeting thought.

Depression tells me that during this time at home I should be productive. I should be exercising in some capacity twice a day because I have gained a little weight. I should be cleaning the house and doing home improvements that I have put off instead of playing The Sims 4. I should be posting on my makeup Instagram account or I will lose all of my followers I have worked so hard to get.

On Tuesday it peaked and I had a minor freak out. My boyfriend kept asking what was wrong, I would say nothing and he would reply, you’re lying. I was lying. Saying that nothing is wrong and that I’m ok is my most told lie.

I did open up though. It was hard to express myself in that moment. I’m a writer, I find it difficult to express myself in speech compared to writing it out.

He was supportive of me and said it was ok. That I don’t need to always be productive, that it’s ok to play The Sims.

I know that I would give the same advice to somebody else but I could never tell myself that.

This weekend I hope to get at least a couple things done to quell the demands of my depression. I hope when Saturday arrives I will have the motivation and strength to follow through.

How has your mental health been lately? Are you feeling things for intensely than you normally would or have you become numb to it all?

30 Replies to “Depression While in Quarantine”

  1. I am relatively better. Thanks for asking. Am not following each and every news now. Just the highlights. But cannot be consistent in anything.
    It’s okay that you feel this way, there is no normal feeling right now. You will get back on track one day, give yourself this break.
    I don’t know why there’s so much pressure to be productive in this mess.
    Sims is ❤❤.
    Hoping you find your way soon.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Good I’m glad that you are doing better! I’ve been thinking about your words for a few hours now and I really can’t pin point why there’s all this pressure to be productive in the midst of a crisis. I will keep pondering this though, it’s given me perspective. Thank you for your comment and wise words, Book Warrior!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. My depression is much worse. My anxiety has gone through the roof. Don’t feel alone. And there are no “should’s” at the moment. Just getting through each day is a huge achievement. Give yourself a breather.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’m sorry to hear that your depression and anxiety have been so bad. Anybody who is in a good mindset right now needs to host a Ted Talk or something! I love your words! You’re right, getting through each day with my health intact is an achievement. Thank you for your comment, Mam!

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  3. I think I agree with the comment about no ‘should’s’. Trying to carry on as normal in this period of intense worry is just risking burn out. Definitely time to give ourselves a break I think and recognise that we have to prioritise our own well being.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. You’re right, pushing oneself too much during a time of high stress is asking for burn out. Health in every aspect should be everybody’s priority. In my country, people are protesting to go back to work and to open up salons because they want a haircut. -_- Thank you for your words, Muse!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I’ve been feeling guilty for not being productive, too, but there’s nothing wrong with resting and doing something you enjoy. Maybe spend 1 hour cleaning if it’ll make you feel better. I typically do 1 or 2 chores a day.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I totally agree, it is ok to rest and enjoy ourselves. It’s taken me so long to get to the point where I truly believe that too. 1-2 chores a day is great!! Thank you for your comment, Jo!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. What a lovely honest post. I rarely now suffer from depression. But for me, the key is the very, very start of the day. I absolutely have to get up and get going straight away and with my silly (I know!) little list of:
    1 hour french and German
    1 hour writing
    Wordpress reading
    2 hours dogsitting work for the neighbours

    Etc etc … then I know that I’ll be fine. If I don’t get up til 10am then it’s all over and I can’t somehow grasp that time back again. For me, procrastination is the devil! Hence I have to have the lists and I have to get up and get moving. The CBT group therapy course a year or more ago was absolutely brilliant and explained to me in no uncertain terms that if I wanted to change my mindset and get out of my ruminations, then I had to do something physical. Oh, they were sooooo right! I hope you have a lovely Friday and a good weekend! Stay safe! Katie x💕

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Katie! I’m glad to know that you’ve been doing well mentally and are getting on well. That’s great a list of things works for you though! Knowing yourself well enough to put together a list like that is wonderful. I couldn’t do that for myself, I don’t do well with schedules. Never have.
      You have a lovely weekend too and stay well! x

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes, I didn’t know if it would work for me, but fingers crossed, so far so good! You have a lovely weekend too! Stay well! X

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  6. Have just read some of the other comments and they’re really interesting … the whole “should” thing I agree with. If I use that word, I just feel guilty because it’s giving me an option; the word “should” offers a tiny crack in the door to get out of doing something. So I just have my list and say, this is what I “will” do. That way there’s no option. I can’t be kind to myself. If it do, then I lie in bed all day and then feel worse.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. That’s great that you know yourself so well that you understand what language works best to get you motivated! Your introspectiveness is incredible!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Well I’m quite old! And I first had depression when I was a teenager so this has been a long, long time. I’ve also gone to some fairly extreme lengths (such as the cycling from north to south of France) to find out what was wrong with me and what was going to help. It’s been a very interesting ‘journey’ … x

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  7. It is our judgments that sentence us to loss failure depression

    Follow the feelings back to where we must be productive

    Does being productive bring happiness

    Well it does bring me accomplishment and dopamine

    I guess our challenge is to accept not being productive

    As productive enough for now

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Marty, thank you so much for your comment! I am going to take some time to really think about your words.

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  8. It’s similar here, except that when things do go at their lowest, I have little to no motivation for anything – which includes writing. I know that once I start something (this blog and some other things), I need to hold up onto that project. It’s hard when having disabilities.

    (By the way, I too also play The Sims (3). I feel less alone now. LOL!)

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Im not depressed and my mind tells during this time at home I should be productive. I should be exercising in some capacity twice a day because I have gained a little weight.

    Your not alone with them thoughts.

    Thankfully I have never felt depression but I’ve had anxiety that caused panic attacks in the past. EFT tapping cured me thankfully. But during this time I have felt that returning, very so slightly but I’m aware of it. I think at this time, even if it means dragging yourself outside you need to for your mental health.

    In my opinion this virus won’t do half the damage that anxiety and depression will do. Social media is a double side sword in these times, if your haven’t the discipline to avoid the news or conspiracy theories then your in a world of pain.

    Great post.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. My psychiatrist used to always say to me, when I was struggling with bipolar depression……don’t be hard on yourself….be kind to yourself. Don’t let the shrouded fog make you feel guilty for doing nothing. Particularly in these extreme circumstances sometimes you just need to have some downtime, quiet time to look after yourself. Don’t push yourself hard. If you wake up perhaps just write a very small list of things you want to accomplish and even if you mark off one thing each day….that is work in progress.
    I haven’t worked since the end of January, as my job was made redundant. I coped well at the time, all things considered. I have been taking things slow n steady and not putting pressure on myself. Yet last week anxiety started to creep in, then trouble sleeping……unable to get to sleep till 5am, so very frustrating. It has taken another week, medication adjustments, and am slowly getting there.
    Keep positive, and….be kind to yourself xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You’re right, these are extreme circumstances we are in! I’m sorry to hear about you getting laid off and struggling with sleep. I hope that you will be able to find a new job when the time is right! Good luck with your medication adjustments, those times can be so challenging. Thank you for commenting!

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  11. I love this! I came to this realization a couple weeks ago and I am so happy I am not beating myself up about taking time to relax. I struggle with binge eating and I found overwhelming myself and expecting myself to be too productive was a big trigger. Good luck at staying positive throughout this stressful time:)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s great you have been able to accept yourself where you are and take this time to relax. I struggle with eating as well which usually makes me feel worse. Thank you for commenting, Jes!

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  12. Glad I’m not the only one feeling this way. I’ve forced myself to relax and step away from some of my responsibilities. Can’t afford to burn out.

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  13. Your other half is not wrong. Sometimes doing nothing productive is doing something. My mental health has been in flux during the pandemic, though losing my dog early on into it has not helped any. I think what has kept me going is that I’ve been able to work on a balanced schedule, which includes time to play Playstation, as well as exercise and work. K

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m so sorry to hear about your dog 😦 Losing a pet is so painful. Thank you for your wise words!

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  14. I sometimes feel the same way too, where I just want to take a nap and not do anything. I’m also a big fan of Sims ❤❤❤❤❤!!

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