Shame Ate My Soul – My Memoir is Published (finally)

My memoir is finally a book. It is done. It is completed. Finished.

My book is published and is available on Amazon in ebook or in print.

It is beautiful. I used Adobe Illustrator to make my book cover and edited it and formatted my entire book myself (and is also why it is not perfect).

My memoir has been in the making for about three years. I wrote my first (awful I might add) very rough draft during Nanowrimo 2017 and wrote over 66,000 words during the month of November. This was very therapeutic for me to write because I wrote my story raw and let out a lot of pent up anger and emotions as I wrote. Needless to say my first draft was not good for an audience to read, but was good and healing for me to write. I would recommend it to everyone as part of recovery.

The next November during Nanowrimo 2018 I rewrote my memoir with over 52,000 words using some parts of the first draft but removed a lot of the anger and parts I didn’t want to keep. After editing it a couple of times I was determined to try to find a traditional publisher and sent out many query letters. A couple publishers were interested and asked to send them my entire manuscript but then weren’t interested. One publisher gave me suggestions of how to improve it. That was very helpful and I rewrote it again and reduced my word count by about 5000 words and sent it back to them, but they ended up rejecting it again. It is okay because I know I gave it my best effort to find a traditional publisher. Now it was time to self publish.

Self publishing turned out to be wonderful and was free on Amazon Kindle Direct Publishing and Barnes and Noble Press. Woo hoo.

This is my book. My blood sweat and tears… and my HEART.

My book is available on Amazon

$3.69 for ebook

$15.00 for print

I have mixed emotions about my book being published now. I am excited it is finally completed and is a book now, but I am worried.

Worried that people won’t like it. Worried that people will think differently about me after they read it.

I have felt so good for over two and a half years that living a mental illness life like I did for so long seems like a lifetime ago. I started reading my memoir and it was hard for me to read because it brought me back to where I was and the feelings associated with it all. There are a lot of sad and difficult parts in my memoir to read, even for me. I worry that I had too many bad things happen to me and it will be difficult for people to read. But the beauty of my story comes from the triumph of recovery and healing. I persevered, conquered and survived and am now living a beautiful life.

After reading my memoir, I am reminded of all the many things I lived through and survived. It is hard for me to believe it, even though I lived it. What will other people think?

I am excitedly nervous to get the book out for people to read, but am terrified no one will want to purchase it or read it and if people read it they will not like it.

I can’t say I will overcome my fear and post my book on facebook and tell friends and family that it’s ready but I can say I will be strong and BRAVELY announce my book and see what happens.

So here it is. Here is my heart and soul exposed for the world to read. All of me (almost all) exposed. When we expose our true selves past and or present, it leaves us vulnerable. So, here I am vulnerable and bare, but feel it is necessary for me to share my story for many reasons.

I want to educate others about mental illness and to help people understand the pain, shame and stigma people who live with mental illness feel and experience. Most importantly, I want to inspire others and give people hope to know that they can conquer any obstacle and survive.

Recovery and healing are possible I am living proof.

Let’s all be the living proof.

Copyright 2020 by Susan Walz of My Loud Whispers of Hope

34 Replies to “Shame Ate My Soul – My Memoir is Published (finally)”

  1. That’s amazing! It must have been the most tumultuous undertaking and so inspiring for others, me included. I love the title and the cover art is so… organic, it’s perfect for it. Just a little tiny thing, I think there’s a little grammatical issue with the “The beauty and joy of her *journeyis* how she persevered”

    Just wanted to point that out 🙂
    Still amazing ❣️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh definitely a typo and needed a space there. Thank you for pointing it out so I could change it. I took care of it. Thank you for your kind and helpful feedback I appreciate it and you. Much love and be well and safe.

      Like

  2. Congratulations ! Thats fantastic news ! So many of us out here want to write a book but just cant seem to get it off the ground. Thanks for giving us all hope and best wishes for it to be a commercial success.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I will definitely check into that and try to fix it. I will let you know when I fo.. It makes me very happy you want to purchase my book. Thank you thank thank you. I appreciate you.

      Like

    2. I checked it out and if you click the arrow where it says Kindle it will give you the drop down menu where it offers the print version as well. If that doesn’t make sense I’m sorry and you could go to Amazon.com and type the title Shame Ate My Soul in search area and it should bring you to my memoir. I hope that helps and works for you and you will enjoy my book. Much love and be safe. 💗😊

      Like

      1. I don’t see the arrow drop down that you’re referring to. I searched in just amazon.com.au and it just brought me to the Kindle format. Maybe it doesn’t ship to Australia? I know that’s a recurring issue. Do you have an instagram so I can send you a screenshot of what I’m seeing?

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Hello. I just clicked on something different on my Amazon s
        ite that hopefully will change things so that it can ship to Australia etc. I’m very new to this so I am sorry. Thank you for your patience. I will let you know when the change has been processed on Amazon. I hope it works.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I am not sure why it doesn’t deliver to Australia. Bummer. I am very new to this. I could mail you a copy of my book after my print copies arrive to me. They are supposed to arrive around June 10th. Do you use paypal at all?? You could use that to pay me some. We could work something out because I really appreciate you wanting to purchase my book. I want to help somehow.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. This is my paypal if you want to purchase a book this way. paypal.me/SusanWalz. I ordered some books but they haven’t arrived yet. As soon as they do I will mail you a copy… to Australia (please send me your address too you can DM me). It is $15.00 plus whatever postage is approximately to mail it to Australia. If you want to pay $20.00 I would greatly appreciate that and I can pay the difference for you. If that is still too expensive please let me now and we will work something out. I am just happy you are interested in my book and sorry you were unable to order it the normal way. Take care, Sue

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      5. You should put your PayPal link on instagram 🙂 makes it a tough more available for everyone. But yes I’ll send you $20

        Liked by 1 person

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