“I was talking to my housemate the other night, uh, that just came back, about how her and I we both suck at having fun. *laughs* Wouldn’t be the first time this thought has crossed my mind because honestly even to this day there are moments where I feel like I put so much thought into what I’m doing and by that I mean just thinking in general.
Thinking and thinking and thinking about things to do and often what determines things were fun, that’s very subjective, the things that I used to do for fun usually kind of check the box off and that kind of ties into some of the feedback I would get, uh, from anyone who’s anyone and really everyone is a mirror for things that I do so it has nothing to do with them, it has everything to do with me. I would be told, you know, “Calm down loosen up, wha, don’t take life so seriously.”
Those kinds of things and at the time and even now it’s a bit of a trigger for me because that doesn’t really offer a solution. That doesn’t really offer a step by step process and I understand why there isn’t because everyone has different things that resonate for them I guess my, my way of acknowledging this gap of, “Yes, I see your point versus you know it doesn’t change how I feel,” but I can change specifically my attitude, I can shift my point of view about things right looking at some mundane activity as something completely novel.
So, *sigh* I was talking to some people in a zoom chat just a couple minutes ago about what they do for fun when they catch themselves in deep spirals of thought and deep emotions and feelings like I find that so interesting to hear what different people do and I found that and I have done this too and I still catch myself doing it is rather than just sitting and actually listening to what those feelings are or sitting still and doing nothing else not cramming my time with the phone, reading books, coloring, watching TV, going outside, just nothing.
I know the programming in my brain that I’m, I think we all can really relate to is being conditioned to believe that we have to be producing something to feel different, we have to be productive to earn self-care time and one of the things that I try I have tried that’s different cuz I always advocate for my clients and my in the people I talk to and kindred Spirits, family members, you know, when you keep trying and doing the same thing over and over again and expect a different result nothing’s going to change and that’s just insanity.
So, rather than cramming my time, cause goodness knows I’ve tried cramming my time with activities without thinking about the intention behind it, it’s unsustainable in the long run. I just don’t feel great about it and putting, really thinking about the intention, am I doing this just to numb myself, am I doing this just to distract myself, am I doing this to avoid listening to my feelings. Um, it can be really counterproductive and in some situations it’s actually helpful to talk to the person involved and I can speak for myself and those that I’ve served and Kindred Spirits I’ve supported is that if there’s some kind of an emotional, mental, spiritual or even physical connection with someone and things aren’t going well, just talking to them about it, being honest, can really make all the difference! It frees up a lot of that energy, that fight of flight, trying to preserve, preserve one’s life.
I know that’s something that does come up in my work for myself too, when I coach others about, you know, what I learned in the coaching, coaching program I was a part of, they said we teach best what we need most and I can’t express self-advocacy more than I already do and also setting, and really clarifying if we’re doing things just to push and push and push and force an outcome and be and try to be in control of the situation.
A question: What is the biggest trigger for you and what are you willing to try that’s different to actually address the trigger…not cope with it, not move on from it, but address it?
For me, uh, one of the biggest triggers is feeling obligated to be nice, feeling obligated to give and give and give of my time. I’ve been in the position of putting my time just ad libidum to everyone and that’s just not how that works for me anymore. So, would be interested in hearing or even if you don’t feel comfortable sharing, to really ask yourself that question and what you are willing to do to address the truth.”
Beginning 6/25, I am going to start practicing not saying, “I feel,” “I think,” and also, refrain from prefacing things with, “My..” Stay tuned.
Turns out that personally identifying and taking possession of feelings and our existence in general, closely identifying with labels as a way to define ourselves and make sense of who we are strengthens our ego which then increases our desire for more toxicity, negativity.
Become an observer of the pain and that is the first step beyond just surface level positivity and toward deeper emotions Eckhart says emanate from our natural state of connectedness with Being. These States of Being have no opposite, emanating from within, “Love, Joy, and peace.”
Keeping accountable to this step by publicly sharing my goal with you all. Who wants to join?
Grounds For Clarity