A Different Day With Grief

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On Monday, August, 10th would have been my mom’s birthday. Another “anniversary” that I was dreading all weekend. These have always been hard. I fall apart on the 15th of the month, the day that she passed. Every month since January, I fall apart. August and September were even more of dread because of my mom’s birthday, eight months since her passing, and my parent’s anniversary. Geez, who can deal with all that one after another?

I had something different at my disposal this time, and it had an unexpected effect on what happened on Monday. I am by no means getting paid to promote this, but Shelby Forsythia’s Permission to Grieve became my guiding light. I am still new to giving myself permission to grief for the loss of my mom, but I was invested. I listen to her words in the book and the stories on her podcast Coming Back. I had begun over the weekend to give my grief room. To understand that it is okay to be in pain and never let go of your grief, it is a part of you. I am also learning to live in the present and stop the constant need to overthink every situation. It was the perfect storm of beginning my grieving process and the day that I dreaded. 

I decided to let it go. The idea that I had to have a bad day. I felt the feels. When I needed to cry, I did, and it was empowering. I ran three miles on the treadmill while listening to Forsythia, and it just flowed. I didn’t set a goal like “I need to run three miles to be happy today.” I instead ran three miles because every moment I was in the present moment of the treadmill and the podcast. I had no worries about the thoughts that often attack me when I am doing something. My day was full of things that made me happy. Getting dinner from my brother from another mother. Being around the people that make me happy. Spending time with a kindred spirit. I didn’t do all these things because I had to, I did them because it was what I wanted to do. I took the ego out, and I just flowed through my day.

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Letting go of all the thoughts that made me feel bad was freeing. I was smiled, even in pain. I allowed myself to let go of the ego, the identity of the grieving son, and I just allowed myself to be. I adopted the idea from the song “if it’s mean to be it will be.” I am not enlightened; instead, I found that I could exist within my grief. I was grieving but finding myself within what could be a healthy way of grieving. That is not to say that the pain was not there, but I took it into my day, and I made it my own. I gave myself permission to grieve, and I saw for the first time what that meant.

That is not to say that the anniversaries will always be something I get through. One of the great things about what I am learning through authors like Forsythia and Tolle is that I can let go of the identity that comes with the grieving son. Instead, focus on being in the now. I can begin to heal and still feel the feels. I healed a small piece of the grand puzzle that is grieving. I know I will always miss my mother, and she is always on my mind, but I could feel more of her love for her family and friends by allowing the space to grieve. It was in so many ways a different day. Stay strong in the fight.

Always Keep Fighting

James

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23 Replies to “A Different Day With Grief”

      1. Yes it is. I lost my mom and dad 10 months apart I 😢 💔 I understand but has been 8 years and I still think about ny mamma, Italian for mom. My real father not as much he was not the one that raised me and sexually abused from rather age of 13 until 17. Lots to talk to God about. I forgave him totally because of the Lord teachings. Thank you for replying. God bless and give you comfort 🙏

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I am sorry for your loss. Shelby Forsythia teaches that grief is always there but you can always forgive as you did. You found your way to grieve.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Thanks for sharing. Some good strategies for those of us grieving the loss of loved ones. Next week I am facing the anniversary of the death of a good friend.
    Thanks for sharing with us.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am glad to share. Shelby Forsythia has an amazing podcast Coming Back as well as her book are such amazing resources. I love the way she allows each person the permission and room to grieve. Stay strong with the anniversary they can be hard but staying in the present is also important. Allow yourself the room. Stay strong.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks for the encouragement and sharing this resource. I will have to check it out. It is so true we all grieve differently and we need to respect that in others who grieve. Indeed, anniversaries are hard. Thanks again for the post and comments. Yes, I’ll be strong!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. thank you for sharing… i lost my dad a year ago but it seems like yesterday. i admit i have not moved on yet… the reason… i was not able to give my self enough time to grieve… yeah it’s hard and i am honest for that. But anyway I know i’ll overcome this in time…

    thank you for sharing really… keep safe and God bless…

    Like

    1. It is so hard. I spend close to eight months in denial. We all grieve in our own way as Forsythia would say and it is so true. A year definitely can feel like yesterday. It’s absolutely hard. I know you will overcome as well but remember you will always grieve your father in some way for ever. That is not bad at all!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. yeah i agree with you… hoping for the best for all of us who experience the same… thank you… God bless and keep safe…

        Liked by 1 person

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