My Heart is Heavy

My heart feels so heavy in my chest. It weighs so much I feel like it will drop to my feet by the start of next week.

I’m not sure if second hand trauma is a real term or not but I think it’s what I’m experiencing.

**I am going to be talking about suicide so if this topic is triggering for you please do not read. Take care of yourself first! **

Last week my neighbor killed himself. His girlfriend found him in the shed in the middle of the night. She screamed so loudly she woke up my boyfriend, me and many of our neighbors.

The next day was very difficult for me. I did not know him, we never spoke, but experiencing the aftermath of his actions was very intense. My boyfriend and I stayed up until all of the first responders left.

I started to feel better about what had happened until last night. Last night our neighbor was outside sobbing in her backyard. This weekend is the viewing and the celebration of life so I think she is really struggling with those events coming up.

Hearing her pain made it hard for me to sleep and has made today difficult to get through. All day I’ve had trouble focusing at work because of what I heard last night.

I’m a very sensitive person so hearing everything going on weighs heavy on my heart. I can’t get in to speak to my therapist for a while so writing a blog post is the next best thing.

This weekend I need to focus on my mental health and get myself to a better place in my mind. I want to relax, clean up my house and eat good food. I think exercising would also be good in a situation like this.

I’m sorry to put my second hand trauma on your shoulders.

Have you ever experienced somebody else’s traumatic experience? How did you cope with that?

If not, what are you doing lately to take care of your mental health?

8 Replies to “My Heart is Heavy”

  1. I’m sorry you have to experience this. I think its the most difficult thing in the world.
    My dad attempted suicide many years ago and that was very traumatic for everyone who loved him. I think your ideas of how to cope are good. I think you should know that its ok too feel what you are feeling. Even if you didn’t know this person, it is very sad and stressful. The coping mechanisms you wrote about are good. Do what you can. Feel sad, it’s ok. I know how a heavy heart feels. You described it perfectly. Hang in there and keep writing if it helps you. Talk to your friends if it helps you. Sending positive thoughts your way.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your encouragement and kind words, Ruth! That breaks my heart you had to go through that with your dad. I’m trying my best to hang on!!

      Like

  2. That’s really sad… I never had such experience but I bet it’s awful. Hope you feel better soon.

    Liked by 1 person

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