March was supposed to be great, but as we all know, life changed. We had social distance ourselves more and more. Now it is getting even more restrictive to leave your house as things are not going so well out there in the world. My anxiety, already on its edge, has shot up over the last week.
My official diagnosis when it comes to anxiety is social anxiety and panic disorder. Right now, I am dealing with anxiety in several ways. I take a benzo, clonazepam, and I do other things that help me cope with my anxiety like breathing techniques, meditation, and writing. My ultimate de-stressor. I have not had a large number of panic attacks per week when things are good, but lately, I have dealt with them more.
What I want people that follow this blog is that sometimes we have to take chances. I could have decided to let the depression bring me to the worst places of my depression. I am, of course, always going to have days where things are bad, and I miss my mother every day. I am stronger now, and it was because of my mother. She would have wanted me to continue to grow.
If you ever need someone who will help you through a tough time in your life, I hope to be that person, because it is important to me to be accessible to the readers of this blog.
Hope. That is what I am always saying in these blog posts. I was ready to die in 2010, and yet I was one of the lucky ones.
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That is not to say I don’t have social anxiety, it is just that my therapist is considering the last year with my increase in panic attacks to focus on this diagnosis. The main part of my “social anxiety” as I have called it over the last three or four years is the “fear” of having a panic attack in a public place. It is the most terrifying thing, and it is the cause of the anxiety the moment I leave my house. That preoccupation with the “panic attack” on my part has lead to a change in my diagnosis–panic disorder.
Paying bill no matter what is a major part of being an adult even with a mental illness. Mental health suffers can struggle to either maintain their current jobs or to find one that will fit your mental illness. In my own journey, I have spent a good part of the last ten years unable to hold down a job or even work.
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