This past week I have doubted myself, felt sorry for myself, felt a level of self-loathing that was amazing, felt like giving up my dreams, and so much anger at what life was throwing at me. As if the universe owed me something for my past pain. I caught myself saying, why me. I felt a selfish twinge at every little slight. Do you know where that got me? Caught in a web of more pain that only made me more depressed at the end of each day.
I will be vague about the event in the sense that I will share an event that was troubling me a lot because of the negative feelings I was associating with this person. It was my feelings that were driving a wedge between myself and this person. What did detaching myself from the situation do for me? It gave me a chance to shift my perspective.
I have never been hospitalized before. I think that I am pretty good at hiding things, but I couldn’t hide this from myself. I knew there was something wrong. I … Continue reading My First Time.
September is National Suicide Awareness Month and September 10 is World Suicide Prevention Day. You never know what other people are going through. Be kind whenever possible; it’s always possible. … Continue reading National Suicide Awareness Month
This is a two part post: The next part is scheduled to be posted tomorrow. I want to start off by saying that I voluntarily see my psych doc weekly … Continue reading Clarity.
30. Thirty. The big 3-0. I want to mark this time. (peep that pic of me celebrating graduation in late May) If you would have asked 20 year old me … Continue reading Thirty.
They say the monsters and demons tend to come out at night the most. That is true also with doubts. There is something about sitting in the dark on the doorstep of sleep that wakes up my brain, and so the last thoughts are of my doubts that I faced that day.
I have spent the last several months going to work and going home. Not much socializing. Sometimes once a month I would go out if invited to something. I was … Continue reading Learn to Love Yourself in the Alone Time
If you have followed along, you would know that I have had some pretty big gaps in medication management. Whether it be from my own failure to comply, medications that … Continue reading Bringing Color Back.
“You gave me the best of me, so you’ll give you the best of you,” are the lyrics to “Magic Shop” by Korean pop group BTS. I have been listening … Continue reading The Best of Me
I spent some time in the Arizona Army National Guard. They had started a program called Master Resiliency Training (MRT). Arizona had one of the highest suicide rates among soldiers. … Continue reading 7 Ways I Changed from Hunting the Good Stuff
I’ve missed the sound of rain and what it looks like when it’s hitting my windshield and being wiped away and immediately reappearing. It’s ironic that, all these years, my … Continue reading The Sound of Rain