Just from these photos, you can see the people that loved him and that five years ago came together to honor this great man. I love my grandfather to this day because he taught me so many great things that I have today. If only he would have seen me continue my recovery with Bipolar 1 and panic disorder, but I believe he is still here in spirit and watching over us with my grandmother.
The thoughts that I wish were in the past, but I am unsure of myself when things are this bad. This weekend was scary. I was not myself. I was going through the motions knowing where my mind was, and today it took me over. Those thoughts that I cannot even speak because then it becomes real.
First, I like the thematical element. My depression has always felt like it comes into my life, always at the wrong times. It is a part of me, but as I learned over time, it can go for periods of my life. The idea that depression is this thing in my mind means I can fight it and eventually leave me.
Things have not been good. Yesterday was six months since the passing of my mother. I thought, okay, if I could get through today, then tonight, and I would be okay. I even hung out with a friend, but it wasn’t enough. About midnight, I felt the need more potent than ever, and I drove to the store that is less than half a mile.
For those of you who remember me, I’m sorry I’ve been gone for so long. For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Alan Wolfgang. I am … Continue reading The Upward Climb
I have written recently and in the past to say that “it is okay to not be okay.” I am living this idea, and it has been my mantra as I work towards getting my anxiety and depression to a reasonable level this week. It rained heavily here this weekend into today, so going beyond my back porch is impossible. Getting caught in the rain would surely not help. The last thing I want is to be sick.
There are so many men and women out there during this pandemic, waiting, longing and eager to send their friends, partners and parents flowers. So they waited a long time … Continue reading So Many…
Loving yourself first is where the healing really begins for us. We have to love yourself before that we can start the healing. If you’re like me, you forget when you are lost in depression that things always get better. This life is all about the ebb and flow of symptoms. How you deal with symptoms in the present, can mean how long your depression or anxiety affects you.
Another influential writer in my own life Hemingway had a long history of mental illness. Hemingway, known at the time as the most celebrated American Writer, but had his demons he was fighting over the course of his life.
It was endless depression with very little peace. It was the darkest time in my life. My thoughts were often on the fringes of suicidal idealizations. I thought about all the ways I could die through suicide. I was a man without a purpose, or a will to live.
I am hoping to turn this into an “every Monday or Tuesday Series” where you, the followers of this blog, can ask me questions about my mental health. Any question and I will do my best to answer these questions during the day.
I wanted to share all of this because this is the year where I take everything to the next level. My followers are so important not just to me, but to the contributor writers that call this place home. I want to show the world what a community such as ours is capable of doing amazing things.